WTF Just Happened at Gucci?

by Charles Manning

Gucci officially kicked off Milan Fashion Week today with a show straight out of the Twilight Zone. And Game of Thrones. And How to Make a Murderer. With unibrows. And babushkas. Seriously, even by the standards with which we have all come to judge Gucci, this fashion show was weird as fuck. In a good way. Mostly. I don’t know. There’s a lot to take in and unpack here, so let’s just take it one (wonderfully?) fucked-up step at a time, shall we?

1. The runway was set up like an operating room.
However, the overall effect was less “sterile hospital room” and more “creepy hidden bunker where sociopathic surgeons conduct human experiments with black ops funding provided by the US government.” You know what I mean.

Gucci fall 2018

2. Models carried their own severed heads.
Not all the models, mind you — that would be excessive — just these two. They look like they haven’t see the sun in years, but that’s life in the bunker for you! I can’t help wondering if those heads might not also be bags. I don’t know. Probably best not to think about it too much. Let’s just move on.

3. Crystal nipple pasties were paired with a colorful knit mask.
Very los-luchadores-meets-Gatsby-meets-high-school-track-and-field. With Bangles! That’s a thing, right? Well, if it wasn’t before, it is now!

Gucci fall 2018

4. There were a lot of references to the New York Yankees.
Maybe Alessandro Michele is a baseball fan?

Gucci fall 2018

5. One model wore a pagoda on her head.
Um, OK.

Gucci fall 2018

6. Then this happened.

Gucci fall 2018

7. And this. 

Gucci fall 2018

8. This guy looked like a straight-up serial killer.
It’s like Norman Bates and Little Edie had a son.

Gucci fall 2018

Shifty-eyed mofo. He is definitely on the prowl for his next victim.

Gucci fall 2018

9. There was a baby dragon.
Game of Thrones, anyone?

Gucci fall 2018

10. A native American Kachina doll made an appearance.
This look is hot off the res. Seriously, it looks like a Hopi ceremonial doll come to life.

Gucci fall 2018

11. This dress happened.
Someone promoting a film produced by Paramount NEEDS to wear this to the Oscars, right? Let’s all just put that out into the universe and see what happens.

Gucci fall 2018

12. This creepy dude walked.
He must be friends with Norman Bates’ and Little Edie’s kid.

Gucci fall 2018

13. Unibrows made a strong beauty statement for both men and women.
Strong like hot limburger cheese!

14. Returning to Game of Thrones for a moment, Melisandre made an appearance. 

Gucci fall 2018

15. As did the ghost of David Bowie.
Oh you pretty thing!

Gucci fall 2018

16. This model had a third eye implanted into her forehead that looked almost as dead and vacant as her real eyes.

Gucci fall 2018

17. And here’s another guy definitely on the hunt for his next kill with Little Edie’s kid. 
They’re like a gang or something.

Gucci fall 2018

And there you have it! I mean, that’s not everything. The show was freaking massive — I’m talking like 90 looks — but the human mind can only take in so much in a single sitting.

What does it all mean? I don’t know and, honestly, I don’t want to know. Gucci is just Gucci. It’s weird. It’s wonderful. It’s whacked the fuck out.

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54 comments

Patrick Lee Albin February 21, 2018 - 5:47 PM

whacked the fuck out is right.

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James March 1, 2018 - 8:48 PM

That one the writer referred to as David Bowie looked like Bowie and Christopher Walken had a wild weekend.

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Christian February 7, 2019 - 2:49 PM

3.5 stars for acting. Models, i did not see any.

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SKD February 21, 2018 - 8:23 PM

Best fashion show review Ever. Truly made my day.

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Courtney February 22, 2018 - 12:20 PM

I’d have to agree. 😅

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Troy February 26, 2018 - 9:50 PM

Agreed

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Gladys March 1, 2018 - 1:48 AM

Agree. The writer is hilarious!

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Val March 2, 2018 - 4:59 PM

Agreed, Amazing show!

Tuna February 23, 2018 - 8:48 AM

Gucci has out Vetements Vetements in their game.. Go Alessandro !

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Lisky February 23, 2018 - 10:29 AM

Gucci has been on the fast track of decline since Tom Ford left, this… this… is just desperate. This is only done to make headlines and click bait. Pitiful really.

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calhoun February 28, 2018 - 10:54 AM

100%

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Al Philli May 8, 2018 - 11:53 PM

You my dear are so right.

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Janina February 23, 2018 - 1:39 PM

The generation has changed. That is very smart to make a new looking collection like this. The old fashion gucci look is history. Welcome into the future.

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Al Philli May 8, 2018 - 11:58 PM

Sorry, but no. This was not innovative, creative or advanced in any way. This is like the head designer of Star Wars gave a fashion show. Really like the Emperor’s New Clothing. Gucci is so iconic people are scared to say they don’t get it or it’s ugly for fear of being labeled tasteless or out of the loop.

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Nas February 23, 2018 - 3:32 PM

Gucci has become the next von dutch, what a shame.

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Heathyr Wolfe February 23, 2018 - 5:49 PM

Von Dutch taken to popularity by Christian Audigier, was a retail line made by a very rude, who I met, frenchman whose specialty was clothing for the masses. Gucci a couture house, sells those individual pieces separately, and was putting on an insane show because fashion is exclusive and insane, especially when catering to people who drop 3000 dollars for a scarf and upwards from 15,000 on an outfit.

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Michael K. February 23, 2018 - 8:47 PM

Just to clarify, Gucci is ready-to-wear. Not couture.

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Danny February 25, 2018 - 7:05 PM

* Von Dutch, brought to popularity by Christian Audigier, was a retail line made by a very rude Frenchman, whom I met, whose speciality was clothing for the masses. Gucci, a couture house, sells these individual pieces separately and was putting on an insane show because fashion is exclusive and insane (especially when catering to people who drop 3000 dollars on a scarf or 15000 and above on an outfit.

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Dani February 28, 2018 - 2:38 PM

LMAO what about that open bracket

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Marcia Miner February 23, 2018 - 5:12 PM

Shock value and creative are not synonyms.

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Julie Hartwell February 24, 2018 - 3:44 AM

Love it all! The fashion world is about daring to be different – this collection is fun and designed to make the audience sit up and gasp. A breath of fresh air in my book (and where can I get a baby dragon???)

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jim March 1, 2018 - 5:10 PM

The only fun things I saw were a baby dragon and nipple pasties.

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Natalie February 24, 2018 - 1:14 PM

La parte comica della moda italiana

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James L Dekker February 24, 2018 - 1:27 PM

I used to love the Gucci styles but this is just crap. Who’s going to wear that everyday, like they did with the previous ranges?

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pat March 1, 2018 - 2:44 PM

You’ve never seen a fashion show before have you? It’s literally an art show, the majority of the clothes are not really meant to be worn every day or even worn by many people, it’s just art.

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Bart Simpsonson March 6, 2018 - 3:17 PM

Yeah art. Like that no-talent mofo Picasso. What a fuckin joke! Some people, far too many people are merely total suckers. With too much money.

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Curtis February 24, 2018 - 2:36 PM

This is what happens when fashion is uninspired. If you are going to be ugly at least have some bad taste. That is better than boring no taste at all. And leave Native Americans out of it. It’s mocking their culture. Not being inspired by it.

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Jake February 24, 2018 - 3:28 PM

It’s a show! It’s just not merely a fashion show. But I’m not surprised that even some people from the fashion industry won’t get it! Done are those boring cohesive, “follow the fashion rule”, generic fashion shows! Maximalism is the punk of today’s fashion! It’s either you’re into it or shut up for now. Minimalism will be back again someday. What I like about this show is it excites me thinking how I would style it myself mix matching everything again! That’s what outstanding about this collection, every piece is a work of art! Every piece can stand alone! Bravo Alessandro! Bravo Gucci!!

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Shanna February 24, 2018 - 5:42 PM

This article sounds like it was written by a snarky 14 year old who hasn’t a clue what couture means… much less the fact that runway does not equal ready to wear. I loved Gucci’s creativity and if you had seen the whole collection (not just the most bizarre pieces) you’d probably agree, it’s a breath of fresh air.

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Al Philli May 9, 2018 - 12:05 AM

Or the Emperor’s New Clothing part II.

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CSimon February 25, 2018 - 1:16 AM

Kachina doll, cultural theft. Not fashion, not cool

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JERRY FORD February 25, 2018 - 5:58 AM

pure merda

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JERRY FORD February 25, 2018 - 5:58 AM

pure crap

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Leodegras February 25, 2018 - 8:16 AM

The models look like they crawled out from under a piece of plywood in the backyard, complete with yellowed, dying grass and busy maggots.

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Taylor February 25, 2018 - 4:57 PM

I’m OBSESSED

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Maria February 25, 2018 - 7:01 PM

The reviewer had me in stitches! Totally authentic and hilarious article. Thank you!

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Phoenix February 25, 2018 - 9:10 PM

The Medieval Touch to it… dragons, chains, beheadings, velvet poofy sleeved dresses etc. I always said the Millennials have karma from the dark ages (Medieval) and this starts to show it.

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Sarah McAllister February 26, 2018 - 2:58 AM

I fucking love it.

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Randall February 26, 2018 - 10:14 PM

it is a good thing a lot of them came with masks because I would not want my face associated with this hideous crap. most of it might be appropriate for Halloween but even then it is just sickening.

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Terhi February 28, 2018 - 2:13 AM

And Jared Leto will wear every single outfit next fall.

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Carla February 28, 2018 - 5:35 AM

Came out straight from hell…

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Justine February 28, 2018 - 4:35 PM

Very disappointed. What was once fashion is now becoming a circus. The Gucci statement is not of class and elegance but of cartoons. This does not depict creativity or art. Sloppily put together. Shameful for what was once the epitome of the fashion world.

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Nikki February 28, 2018 - 5:37 PM

Wow I am fucking crazy about this collection. And I loved this article. And yeah, this IS also how some people in the world dress. I dress like this some of the time. I see people who are dressed “like this” year round. I conned my husband into wearing a pillbox hat at YSL last night. Headed to Tokyo in three weeks — stylish boys there were already wearing zipper necklaces, 3rd eyes, viking helmets, scarf babuskas and purses w/ matching heels months before this show or the Vetements launch.

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Mahalie Monize February 28, 2018 - 9:11 PM

I can’t decide what I think. That’s a win. Love the very straightforward recall by author.

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MordorianQueen March 1, 2018 - 3:45 AM

ROTFLMAOOOOOO !!!!!! Who in their right mind would even BUY such ridiculous garbage trying to masquerade as fashion ????? The Gucci name has gone right down the old potato chute.

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Nicolae Petre March 1, 2018 - 1:12 PM

This is not fashion, this is pure horror. Who the hell would ever wear such garbage?

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pat March 1, 2018 - 2:45 PM

You obviously don’t know very much about fashion. It’s an art show, don’t take it so seriously!

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Eek! March 1, 2018 - 1:16 PM

Number 12 have me STRoNg Jeffery Dahmer vibes…

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Eek! March 1, 2018 - 1:16 PM

Gave*

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JG Collins March 1, 2018 - 3:30 PM

“16. This model had a third eye implanted into her forehead that looked almost as dead and vacant as her real eyes.”

This is marketing today. Shock value over popularity. Art over craft. Acting over reality. The models were brilliant, created exactly the look the designer wanted. I’d say the show was a great success, stirred the pot effectively. Here we are, all of us, talking about (part of) it. I love the lobotomy station…

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XMV March 3, 2018 - 2:46 PM

It’s like someone hit Random a bunch of times in a video game character creator.

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Rosemary smith March 4, 2018 - 4:00 AM

Go sell your crap in the middle east

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Jock March 4, 2018 - 4:37 PM

Looks like World Rothschild if finally here.

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Arline March 5, 2018 - 1:34 PM

Hey, I have at least three of those outfits at the bottom of my dirty clothes hamper.

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