Another Anonymous Insider Cracks the Whip

by Eddie Roche

We asked for a response to our recent anonymous letters to publicists and editors and one longtime fashion insider took us up on our offer and chimed in to give some advice to EVERYONE in the biz. Who gets schooled this time? 

Dear Everyone,

First up: Designers, not everyone can be Céline and quite frankly the only one knocking off Céline is Zara. The reason Ralph Lauren was so good was because he did just that, Ralph Lauren. You are going to make poor Phoebe Philo crazy, pretty soon she’ll end up a recluse gardening with Helmut Lang. Also, what is the thought process for choosing smaller or more “intimate” venues? Is it to alienate buyers and piss off editors? Not to mention what it does to your poor PR team—do you think they like fielding angry calls from stressed-out assistants who are terrified because it’s somehow their fault that their bosses might have to sit second row? Last time I checked you were in the business of selling clothes, so here’s an idea, pick a LARGER venue, have all front rows, and save everyone from an unnecessary heartache and chronic chest pain. Happy editors make for better reviews and more credits. YAY to that!

Second: Publicists, my summer was wonderful, thank you for asking, and before you ask, my flight was fine too, and yes, I am surviving fashion week—I’m going to fashion shows after all, not Kosovo. It’s gonna be all right. We’ve been at this for a while now, ask me something relevant, like how’s your divorce or did you finally manage your body dysmorphia? (Since you didn’t ask…My ex is a bitch and I still think I’m fat, thank you for asking. Muah!) I’m sorry your designer picked a smaller venue, I truly am, but please don’t tell me it’s “Milan’s fault.” You can’t blame an entire city for me having to sit second row. This is the 5th season you’ve had 1/3 less seats in the U.S. section. How is that possible? Do you even have a seat left for Anna? And P.S., last time I checked magazines were sending less editors. I’d actually like to talk about a front row seat for my accessories editors and a couple of my Instagram followers. I can get you the likes! Speaking of Instagram, the only brand that should be requesting no Instagram pictures at the show is Céline. My publisher told me you cut pages this season…one would think you could use the exposure.

I would also like to make a plea, a giant plea, to everyone in the industry to ban the word “AMAZING!” Please get a thesaurus (you can even just Google words in 2015) and find a replacement for the overused and exhausted word, “AMAZING!” Everything can’t be “amaaaaaazing!!!!”

Finally, dear editors, hello, if you’re not happy about your second row seat, you should have raised the issue before the show. You are making an ass out of yourself and everyone is talking about you. Also, not being escorted to your seat right away does not constitute a “shit show.” Calm yourself, you are here, they are not going to start the show without you, I promise. Did you wake up this morning and start listing ways that people might wrong you? Publicists can’t control traffic, and it’s not worse than ever this year, it’s just the same. At this point you actually know what shows take longer to get to, and no, it’s not your driver’s fault either.

Buyers, hey you guys…you’re amazing!

With affection,

“An Observer”

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