This week, our fearless flack takes on who are arguably the most swagged-out editors: the beauty gurus.
Dear Beauty Editor,
I have a fantastic pitch for you. Not only is this amazing new product semi all-natural and was once spotted within a 500-foot proximity of Lady Paltrow, but you can just throw it in your bag! Seriously, if we all had a dollar for every time that lame line has been used, we’d be tap-dancing our way out of this PR hell hole. I get it—many beauty publicists are terrible people suffering from bad Botox, pointed acrylic nails, awkward dye jobs and an unwarranted attitude problem. They force you to sit through cringe-worthy presentations in fancy settings, and send copious amounts of products that you wish you didn’t know existed and then relentlessly stalk you for coverage. But hey, not everyone can rep Vintner’s Daughter! (Whomever I have to screw to get some of that for free, please, just shoot me an email. Someone. Anyone. Please.)
But even you, darling beauty editors, have a few mildly annoying traits, no? Rumor has it some of you have grown SO accustomed to receiving free product that you have no problem calling friendly brand PRs and demanding to know why three of your contemporaries received a free piece of bedroom equipment, yet you did not. And word on the street is that blogger character on Younger (hi Nico, hi, iloveyou), is based on one of you. Who could forget that time you forced the founder of a brand to actually eat the product he claimed was natural and organic? Honestly, on that one, I bow down to you.
At the end of the day, we are all the same human organisms, so let’s experiment with politeness and common sense. We can all make eye contact with one another at tomorrow’s event at the Glass Houses. We don’t have to wait for George to arrive (an hour tardy) before any of the presentations start. We can politely email each other and say thank you for the unrequested product but no, it will not be covered in the publication, ever. I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: we will love if you say no to us.
On that note I have to go pitch this new skin regime tailored to middle-aged Lithuanian men. Do you think you’ll have space for it in the July issue? Best part is…you can just throw it in your bag!!!!!!!
Your Gorgeous Flack