Correspondence We Actually Received: Kimye's Post-Pregnancy Surgery Plans
Now that we finally know the bebe’s name (an…interesting choice, non?), a very kind PR flack decided to blast out this gem concerning the other incredibly pressing matter on all of our minds: how, exactly, Kimmy will be getting nipped and tucked apres-pregnancy to keep up with her, um, “nemesis.” Per usual, we just can’t make this stuff up…
“WITH NORTH’S ARRIVAL, CELEBRITY MEDICAL EXPERTS TO PREDICT KIM GOING UNDER KNIFE
Kimye’s child has arrived. North, the world’s most famous celebrity baby has left Kim Kardashian with a problem and medical experts and New York based surgeons will be speaking out about ways she can restore her legendary curvaceous figure as soon as possible, much like her nemesis Beyoncé.
Nationally recognized medical experts including New York doctor [redacted], with over 25 years as a celebrity consultant, are available to discuss a menu of options and procedures that will restore Kim’s hour glass figure that has graced the covers of hundreds of magazines and newspapers around the world.
Playboy has reportedly asked Kim to pose for the magazine as soon as she is back in shape.
For interviews with nationally recognized experts and celebrity medical consultants please call (weekdays) xxx-xxx-xxxx and (weekends) xxx-xxx-xxxx.”