As if the onslaught of Fashion Week isn’t stressful enough, our beleaguered flack has to deal with awards season as well.
Dear Celebrity Stylist,
Can anybody say AWARDS SEASON??? If there was ever a time for me to use my favorite phrase—“It is PR, not ER”—it is now. Listen, I can practically see the whites of your eyes through the phone about having exclusivity on look number 8, and I assure you, I’m doing my best. As I mentioned in our call 15 minutes ago, it is still at the Vogue cover shoot. No, I don’t have the editor’s cell number and no, I am not able to send my intern to pick it up as soon as the model takes it off.
Here’s the thing, I’m 99% sure you are just calling in samples to hoard them and block other stylists from having access. How do I know? Well the fact that you said this dress is for your “friend” Jada for the Oscars…yeah, consider your cover blown.
Regardless, I’ll be more than happy to accommodate your every whim to make your client feel like the absolute star that she is. Even if that means sewing in size 0 tags when in reality the sample I have sent you is a dupe. (For the layman, dupes are a hefty size 4 or even, gasp, 6.) That screen siren has to feel extra waif-like to really shine, amiright???
You need me to drop off the samples to your house all the way up in Laurel Canyon during rush-hour? Sure. I can’t wait to spend 1.5 hours crawling back down the hill. At least that trek will help me forget the crime scene I encountered at your home. You: with grocery store feet and a plumber’s crack. Your little dog: shedding like crazy while nibbling on the hem of some haute couture before trotting over to a vintage Galliano to relieve himself. I can’t unsee it if I tried.
Really, I think my fondest memory is that time my client made a gown for a nominated actress who just so happened to casually miss the ENTIRE. RED. CARPET. And then once she snuck in, unseen, past 1,823 paparazzi, she wasn’t ever picked up by a single TV camera. Then she politely skipped all of the afterparties. It begs the question, WAS SHE EVEN THERE? Not one shred of usable photo evidence exists…but yes, totally worth it after 15 fittings, 3 color changes and a special bedazzling of the strap.
So yeah, please stop stalking me so I can get back to the mind-numbing task of creating a 1,500-person guest list for NYFW. Speaking of, save the date! Bring your client (but not your dog)!!!!!
XOXO, Your Fur-averse Flack