With the holidays fast approaching many sites have begun rolling out gift guides to help their readers navigate the shopping season. Your Daily has even posted some. Some we can’t help but be utterly captivated by are Goop’s just-posted gift guides. The 12 lists are filled with some pretty lavish pieces — there’s even a link to purchase an entire village in Spain — but we’re more interested in the items that show us how Gwyneth Paltrow and Co. want us to live. It’s not the prices that make these items great, it’s how “Goop-y” they are.
1. A Marble Dumbbell
Be well while also being able to nicely display how well you’re being. No, really — Goop mentions that when you’re not using it, this three-pound dumbbell is “a pretty paperweight or sculptural bookend for your shelves.”
2. A Leather Cooler
This item is described as being ideal for the “avid tailgater.”
3. A Heartbeat Tracker
This piece of tech allows you to feel someone’s heartbeat (or let them feel yours) from a distance. Honestly the sentiment is cute, and it’s not the weirdest egg-shaped thing Goop sells.
4. A Rose Quartz Crystal Straw
This one blends a few things Goop is known for — crystals, wellness, and luxury versions of everyday items. The crystal is supposed to infuse your water with calming vibes, or something. Regardless, as Goop helpfully points out, its good to do away with single-use plastic straws.
5. A Clip-On Bidet
Considering Goop was an early supporter of vaginal steaming, advocating for bidets seems totally normal.
6. A Corkscrew
Ok, this one actually does make the list for the price alone — it’s $150. Why so expensive? Because it is made from horn and bone. It will surely be something to think about every time you use it to open a bottle of Two-Buck Chuck.
7. A Vintage Leather Rugby Ball
This one is a Goop exclusive. The site lists this item as being both “for play or decoration,” but we all know that at $120 this bad boy is firmly in the latter category.
8. 24K Gold Rolling Papers
To be fair, this one is off the “Ridiculous” gift list (Paltrow is nothing if not self aware). That being said, is it wrong if we kind of really want these?
9. A Cutting Board and Knife
This is another one that is most here for the price. This big knife and tiny cutting board are $725. But in the world of Goop, luxury is essential.
10. Marine Collagen Superpowder
It wouldn’t be a proper Goop list without an original Goop supplement! This one promises smooth, firm, hydrated skin, and reduced wrinkles.