There’s a great line in the fourth (and, as of now, most recent) episode of The Shards. Bret (Igby Rigney) is walking through the party his friends have decided — against his numerous, if somewhat tepid, protestations — to throw in honor of mysterious newcomer Robert Mallory (Homer Gere) and as he takes a cigarette from a crystal goblet he muses on the nature of high school parties and the particular phase of their coming-of-age in which they find themselves. “Senior year was when they started throwing parties like rich adults,” Bret narrates over Blondie’s Heart of Glass. “We spent our parents money on the best champagne, the purest coke, and top shelf liquor. We put out their Lalique glass bowls and filled them with our cigarettes. These were the gilded weapons we used to fend off the stifling world of childhood. We were all just doing impressions of the kind of people we wanted to be, until it stopped being an impression.”
Naturally, their louche adult playacting requires costumes to match, which perhaps explains why none of the main cast on this show ever actually dress like teenagers. At least, not when they are together. There is always an element of performance, of cosplay, whether it is Susan (Kaia Gerber) in a party dress that looks like it was plucked from her 40-something mother’s closet — “You’re going to be the first woman president,” Debbie (Hayes Warner) tells her — or Bret with his little sweaters tucked into his perfectly fitted jeans like he is a model in an ad for a brand his father might favor on days off. Not that Bret’s father is ever home for Bret to see him. And it’s hard to imagine he’d look as good as Bret does in those jeans anyway. Bret and his friends might be playacting at adulthood with their Tom Collinses and copious smoking, but they look damn good doing it. Even if they do still have some growing to do.
Anyway, on to the lewks! Fair warning, though. There are some spoilers ahead. Small ones, but still.
Episode 3 starts with Bret and co. in their various takes on their school’s uniform: white shirt, grey skirt or pants, and navy jacket, blazer, or cardigan. They look good, though if any of the boys was going to wear a fitted cardigan, I don’t think it would be Thom (Graham Campbell).
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Maybe Thom was only wearing said cardigan so Susan could drape it over her shoulders in the next scene.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
The thing Susan admires most about Rhonda (Ivy Wolk) is that she doesn’t care what anyone thinks of her. At least as far as Susna can tell. Rhonda does care, of course, but in an outfit like this, it’s easy to see why Susan imagines she doesn’t.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Rhonda’s second rollerskating look also features fringed sleeves, this time on a jacket. Aside from her shool uniform, does Rhonda own any sort of cover up that isn’t fringed? I hope not.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Here’s Chacha (Bella Valdes) in the look that helped score her nearly seven minutes of solo air time on the dance show Debbie is obsessed with. I’m sure this is a reference of some sort, but it feels truly insane to me. Then again, so does the outfit on the girl to her right. Did she steal that beige silk jumpsuit from her mom? And what’s with all the red lipstick?
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Debbie — in those painted-on Gloria Vanderbilt jeans — is mesmerized, though.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Here’s Debbie’s dad (Wes Bentley) in his best “sleazy Hollywood executive out to seduce his daughter’s boyfriend” look. Killer sunglasses, though. Honestly, the eyeglasses game in these two episodes (and across the whole show) is really next level.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
So far, the show’s best looks, in my opinion, are to be found the back of Debbie’s mother Liz (Evan Rachel Wood). I mean, just look at this silk number. It’s the hair too, though. That Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface blonde bob is just perfection.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Robert Mallory’s mottled gray aviators here are pretty great.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
This look is almost comical: Bret pretending to be Joan Dideon in his writer’s outfit of denim cutoffs and a white henley. Tucked in, of course. Always tucked in.
The Shards, Episode 3 (FX/Hulu)
Love these high concept porn actor costumes from the top of episode 4.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Ryan Vaugh (Daniel Dale) goes high camp at the top of this episode and I love it. So much midriff.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
You just know this trio is gonna be trouble. Also, that lingerie is incredible.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
And from the back. Ryan’s character’s name is Johnson and his number is 69. These are the kind of details that we’re all looking for in adult film costuming.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
In a moment of gratuitous color matching mother and son are both wearing green.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
The fullness and looseness of this sweater on Thom feels much more youthful than anything we’ve seen yet on Bret.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Bret’s suede jacket jacket later in the scene is pretty great, though. Even if it does looks like goat or pig suede. I can’t imagine Bret would ever wear anything but calf.
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- The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
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- The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Let’s be honest, Susan’s mauve (blegh!) blouse here, especially with those sensible gold hoops, is giving more middle aged secretary than high school queen bee.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Personally, I don’t love a collarless shirt on a man, but Bret is so petite that the briefness of the collar sort of works. Proportionizing!
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Susan’s dress is a travesty. So dowdy! It’s a party! Why is she dressed like an uptight 40-something? Debbie’s look is giving Rollergirl meets Debbie Harry, which is probably the point. Loving Thom’s burgudy rugby stripe shirt and matching burgundy blazer, though.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
More camp ’80s clothing from Daniel, who looks like he’s dressed up as Adam Ant.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Robert Mallory’s party look also feels quite costume-y. Which is fine. In theory. But is it just me or does that jacket look like something Duckie could have worn in Pretty in Pink?
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
Gotta love them all hanging out around Susan’s pool in matching robes after the party. And each robe in monogrammed with their initials. Susan really is the perfect hostess. I wonder if she had one made for Robert Mallory as well.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
A great eyewear moment on Susan. And that tear! Very emo. But still with the sensible gold hoop.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
And another great eyewear moment on Debbie. Not remotely emo. Love Debbie.
The Shards, Episode 4 (FX/Hulu)
