Think you’re a Hamptons local? Think again. Take The Daily Summer‘s quiz to see if you’re a Basic Beach or not. Good luck!
SoulCycle, Flywheel, and Barry’s Bootcamp are …
A. a complete rip-off aimed at city people.
B. the logos on my housekeeper’s T-shirts.
C. a little too crowded for my taste.
D. where I got this ass.
My favorite summer flavor combo is …
A. baked-stuffed clams and Bud Light Lime.
B. burrata caprese and zucchini chips from Nick & Toni’s.
C. dulce de leche ice cream in a waffle cone from Scoop du Jour.
D. rosé and molly.
The lobster salad at Loaves & Fishes is …
A. not as good as The Lobster Roll.
B. not as good as it used to be.
C. way overpriced, but somehow still worth it.
D. what I’m totally serving at my wedding.
The arrival of spring means it’s time to …
A. put the boat in the water and sign the kids up for day camp.
B. tell my guy to open the pool.
C. see if we can get a renter for August.
D. book a touch up with Dr. Brandt.
Conscience Point is …
A. where I lost my virginity in the woods.
B. where my lawyer’s daughter hit those people in her SUV.
C. a great place for a day hike, but check for ticks!
D. Noah and Jason’s best club ev-er.
My favorite day of summer is …
A. Labor Day.
B. July 4th.
C. Memorial Day.
D. Super Saturday.
When I think of Bridgehampton, I think of …
A. K-Mart.
B. Candy Kitchen.
C. K-Mart and Candy Kitchen.
D. polo, because Nacho and I had that thing, remember?
Sometimes I wish the Hamptons were more like …
A. they were when I was a kid.
B. they were when I started coming here in the ‘80s.
C. they appear on Barefoot Contessa.
D. St. Tropez in August (wut wut!)
To get to the beach, I just have to …
A. walk to the end of my street.
B. walk to the edge of my lawn.
C. pile the kids in the G Wagon and pray there’s a spot.
D. put on my YSL Tribute heels and 27 pieces of jewelry.
From Memorial Day to Labor Day, my pool is filled with …
A. my kids and all their cousins.
B. water and nothing else, because no one ever swims in it.
C. inflatable swans.
D. all my wasted friends.
My primary source for local news is …
A. my neighbor’s copy of Newsday.
B. Dan’s Papers.
C. the New York Times’ Hamptons vertical.
D. Derek Blasberg’s Instagram account.
Sunset Beach is …
A. everything I hate about the new Shelter Island.
B. a great place to watch the fireworks on July 12th.
C. everything I love about the new Shelter Island.
D. where I met my future husband last Sunday.
Hamptons magazine is …
A. clogging up the entrance to my IGA.
B. always hounding me to do a profile.
C. supposed to do a piece on my jewelry line.
D. Oh my god, I love Jason!
Alec Baldwin is …
A. Carol Newcomb’s kid.
B. my yoga teacher’s husband.
C. our neighbor in the Village.
D. not as hot as he was when we dated.
The first time I went to Montauk, I …
A. went deep-sea fishing with my dad.
B. swore it was the last time I went to Montauk.
C. thought I was in Albany, and wondered what the fuss was about.
D. woke up in a dumpster behind Surf Lodge.
This weekend, I can’t wait to stop by …
A. Shippy’s.
B. Nick & Toni’s.
C. The Golden Pear.
D. 1Oak.
And now for your basic self assessment…
MOSTLY Ds: YOU’RE A BASIC BEACH
Everything you know about the Hamptons you learned from Sex and the City. Please stop. You’re making the rest of us look bad.
MOSTLY Cs: YOU’RE A WEEKENDER
With so many bespoke options, why so off-the-rack? Perhaps it’s time to erect some risque topiary in the front yard.
MOSTLY Bs: YOU’RE A “LOCAL”
It took a decade, but you’ve cracked the code and gone native, at least on weekends. Carry on.
MOSTLY As: YOU’RE A LOCAL
You’ve wondered what the hell is wrong with these people a hundred times this summer, and it’s only June. But basics pay the bills, non?
CHRISTOPHER TENNANT
